Household Product Controversy

I decided to watch some commercials for household products and look at passionate comments

1Yea fuck Bounty yo, they don’t ever show the mom yelling at you cause you got lazy and decided to cover the leftovers with paper towels.

2Villiam just being Villiam.

3This is from a Clorox Wipes commercial.

4Shoutouts to some people beating off to Charmin bears that’s mad original. I also interpreted “XenSmithy” telling us that he uses his hands.

5This is just a bonus from Trina’s hit song “That’s my Attitude”

Questions with Jake Weisman

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Jake Weisman is an LA based comedian and a member of WOMEN, a sketch comedy group that you can watch on IFC or Youtube if you’re a purist. He was nice enough to take time out of his cute ass schedule to answer my dumb ass questions. You should also follow him on Twitter

You’re in LA now, is that where you started standup?

Yes, I started doing stand-up about six years ago in Los Angeles and have lived here since I started. I started standing up, in general, about six months to a year after I was born.

How did you meet the rest of the members in WOMEN?

I met them all through open mics, doing stand-up. When you start doing comedy, you’re on your own and sad, lonely, broke and desperate. If you do it for awhile you watch a ton of comedy and meet some comics who have similar sensibilities. Then those people end up becoming your comedy slash business partners slash best friends for life.

Your newest sketch, “Still-Open Case Files”, was hilarious it reminded of an A&E show I’d watch hungover. What’s been your favorite sketch to film so far? I’m guessing “Look at Allen” has to be top five?

It’s hard to pick a favorite. It’s usually the last thing you’ve made that is your favorite. We have three more sketches coming out for IFC.com in the next month and all of them are my new favorite. This is a Sophie’s Choice situation, but both kids and the mother have to die. That doesn’t make sense, but Sophie’s Choice is so intense! Every time I hear the name Sophie I assume the person is French even though I know a Sophie who is not French at all. The brain works in mysterious ways!

How has it been now with IFC? I’m assuming a higher budget means bigger ideas but is it a bigger challenge to release a sketch now?

It’s been truly incredible to have money to make things. I mean, my dream is to be able to perform and/or make comedy and get paid for it, so this really is a dream come true. We made sketches for many years with no money and we had to fit our ideas to having no money. So, to have any money at all feels like a miracle. I don’t think it’s a bigger challenge now. We have had bigger ideas for years but couldn’t make them because we didn’t have the means to do them. But those years of making things with no money really taught us how to make something small look more expensive than it was. So I think when IFC decided to fund our videos, we were ready for the challenge. We know how to work as a team to make a little bit of money go a long way. Making things on your own, as a team, prepares you for so many things later in your career, I am finding.

You’re great on Twitter, I’ve heard of people doing it for standup but have any of your popular tweets inspired a sketch?

I think a few tweets have inspired sketches, actually! The thing is, we really believe in having hard jokes in our sketches, so that works well in terms of writing jokes on Twitter, and then translating them to sketch form. We also have short videos, usually, so often they are just one joke executed well and once the joke is over, the sketch is over. I think the sketch COMA we did for IFC started off as a tweet I wrote about how if people woke up from a coma nowadays they wouldn’t be that upset they lost all those years of life because weed is legal now. So stupid. But probably true. 420! 69! Bob Marley! Marijuana!

Your Instagram is inspiring also, who’s the last person you’ve vividly imagined stabbing?  I could name at least three of mine off the bat. I am terrified of being stabbed. It is probably the worst way to die. The only people I want to stab are those damn minions.

Okay who do you fuck with more, B2K Omarion or Bow Wow while he was beefing with Lil Romeo?

I’m mad at Bow Wow for dropping the “Lil” from his name and I am a pretty big fan of Omarion because of his starring role in You Got Served. So, I guess Omarion. I think if you start your musical career with “Lil” in front of your name, you have to keep it. That’s just my philosophy. Fuck you Bow Wow! JK, love you babe.

What was the last thing you got unecessarily pissed about? I didn’t like that the ATM showed my account balance after I chose “no receipt”.

Probably the fact that I had to get two surgeries on my spine this summer and it has changed the course of my life for a little while.

Thanks for doing this even if it’s a complete waste of your time! Any upcoming projects or shows?

Please make sure to check out the WOMEN sketches on IFC.com coming out. And some other stuff coming up soon which I can’t announce yet but it will be awesome. That sounds so mysterious. Ooh I am so special!

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Killa Season: A Think Piece

“Yo fuck you Habibi, I’m taking this bread nigga…” were the words spoken by Cameron Giles before he lured a store owner outside to murder him. “How horrific!” some would say but that would only be said by the uninitiated. There was something deeper in Killa Season, a classic urban tale overshadowed by mainstream Hollywood giants.

How many movies could you name that showed a man getting pistol whipped for asking for a dollar after seeing the protagonist give bills to little kids? One. How many movies could you name that showed the protagonist spitting on an enemies little daughter as revenge? One. How many movies could you name that had Ma$e in the opening montage? I hope one.

There aren’t A-list actors in the movie, these are real people, like “definitely did at least 30 different takes for one scene” people. This is the beauty of Killa Season. No part of the script was cut  out or edited, all the swearing and rambling was kept in. Even if the dialogue didn’t move the story along, it was kept in. Even when you’re thinking “These dudes are speaking like they’re reading in front of the class in English 101” at some points, it doesn’t matter. Why? Because it’s Cam’Ron. This is the movie America needs to see because with imperfection creates beauty. Even the wardrobe designer was raw, yo. I spotted a white durag with a white champ hoodie and white air force ones, too raw.

We know most people who’ve watched this movie are Dipset fans. That is where the problem lies in the world. Teachers, doctors, NASCAR drivers, poets, middle management, and volunteer soccer coaches should all watch this. The world could share the same language, the same experience, and the same soul. First time I got through this movie I had to listen Purple Haze (2004) two times in a row just to wash down my experience. Cam’Ron didn’t waste his time making this for his entertainment, he made it for us. Before you eat dinner or screenshot some shit your mom texted you just to get some giggles on Facebook, input “Killa Season” into the Youtube search bar and change your life.

Like Cam always said, “Thats my man anytime I holla, holla with me/We shared chicken sandwiches they was a $1.50/ Budget seven dollars, nickel bag and White OwI/ I hope the chicken sandwich last us through the night child.”

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Big Dreamz

Hey guys, we almost interviewed Ilana Glazer before. It was cool though, it’s still been our biggest success to date.

What we thought would happen:

Me: Hey your show is awesome, what’s your writing process like?

Ilana: HAHAHA, awesome question and you’re so funny! Listen, we’re about blow up and we’re looking for two guys with minimal work ethic to accompany us everywhere. You in?

Me: Ummm

Ilana: C’mon please!?!?!?

Me: Haha, okay fine I’ll pack my stuff

What actually happened:

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Tweet Legends

@Moesha: Who is this and what is this

The greatest account name on Twitter, asked the greatest question and is waiting for the greatest answer. Who were they referring to? What the fuck happened? Why did it happen?

Why did someone so confused pick Moesha as their name?

@mikesmom: Hi Mike.

You really made her go this far to get your attention you pussy? Cancel your meetings, get off the CELLPHONE, and make some time.

@whereisme: sometimes i feel riding a dead horse. watering a seemingly date tree is better.It is important to see the difference between these two

YES! YES! YES! THANK YOU, FINALLY! Real talk

@bubbasparx: bout 2 get sum ass

@bubbasparx: finna get faded

The real Bubba Sparxxx has three x’s in his name and somehow the fake Bubba Sparxxx is 3x cooler.

@metrostation: To clear things up I wasn’t upset what all time low said on stage. It just pushed me to my limit. They have talked shit about me and Metro Station for years and even made merch making fun of us. I’ve played many shows and toured with them and I have no respect for people who can’t say something to my face. I confronted them back stage and they denied everything like cowards. Hate me or love me but I’m real and say it how it is.

-trace
Be grateful for this.

Twisted Lives

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 A game of family, fun, and laughter. That’s what Twister is known for, but one photo changed everything. What started out as a good idea, led to dire consequences. These are the stories behind the fateful night.

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Barry was stressed that night with deadlines closing and a fifth kid on the way. He was suppose to stay for “a drink” but one turned into many. What’s wrong with having a little fun? A little fun turned out to be too much when he decided to move in for a “whiff of tail” he liked to call it. Barry was known for his ongoing joke of greeting people like a dog when he got tipsy, so when Nancy from PR decided to bend over, he gave it a try. When the photo came out not only was he fired, but his wife took the kids and his odd collection of women suit jackets with her.

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Scott was just happy he even got invited. He was always overlooked at the office and no one was happy to see him as the Head of HR. It didn’t matter that Barry had himself all over Lisa even though everyone knew he was in love with her. It didn’t matter that Scott lent Barry 50 dollars that day for which he thought was for an emergency but was just to buy a pricier bottle of wine for Lisa.

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Any medical professional would’ve told you that Lisa needed immediate medical attention. Her eyes were pure black. She was a lightweight and at this point was in a coma. Did that stop her though? Nope not Lisa, always had to go above and beyond just like when she bought every single person in the company a personalized keychain setting off the janitor’s tick.

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 Hank knew this was wrong but he was trapped. They already saw him here and it didn’t help that gossiping Betty was right on his ass. “Just smile Hank.” he thought to himself as the sweat seeped through his new suitjacket. Already 12 whiskey neats deep, maybe this would be the time to explain to Betty that he only helped publish her fictional mystery novel in hopes that she somehow made it big and never came back to the office. 30 grand gone to waste.

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Ugh, you can here Betty’s voice through the damn picture.

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I, HitchBOT

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Looks like a win for a major movie marketing team with the “vandalizing” of HitchBOT. What the news didn’t put together was how eerily related Will Smith is to our metallic victim. Inside sources tell me that a big blockbuster is in post production including big time players: Will Smith, Eva Mendes, Jaden Smith, Cedric the Entertainer, and Hilary Swank to name a few.

“For what?” some might ask. Well from what I’ve heard, expect to see an “I, Robot” and “Hitch” crossover in 2016. The story will focus on Will Smith’s beloved character Hitch who meets new challenges after the death of his client (whatever Kevin Smith’s name was in the movie) to a rogue robot. His business is falling on hard times and he is forced to accept robot clients. However, a really mean and big business led by Kevin Smith (playing a different character you feel bad for in a way) is building replicas of Hitch to move in on the dating service industry.  I can’t give away much but I can tell you that one of the scenes include Will Smith riding on a jetski with Eva Mendes frantically taking directions from a “loud and witty” jetski radio played by Cedric the Entertainer. This scene is followed by a montage Kevin Smith stubbing his toe on apologetic Hitch robots.

The hitchBOT was destroyed in Philadelphia because there are rumors that the whole movie will lead up to the surprise announcement of a Fresh Prince of Bel Air reboot starring Jaden Smith and hitchBOT as Uncle Phil. If this is correct, we could also see money coming back to the city of Philadelphia. There has been talks of merchandise being made based off the event which would include an action figure complete with paint stained sweatpants and customizable eyebags.
This is all true and I definitely didn’t take out a high risk loan to fund a trailer today.

Photo Cred: Alex Gross @nerdypodcast

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KittyKatBox

1Say hello to the future! Bring KittyKatBox right to your doorstep. For only $5000.00 a month you’ll get:

  • Cut off in conversation about something you don’t really care about
  • Third place
  • Every single text and email you fully wrote out and deleted – DELIVERED TO ITS INTENDED RECIPIENT
  • Couch chips
  • A passive aggressive voicemail from a Craigslist poster
  • Laughed at by kids on a Coach bus to Six Flags
  • Five pairs of Adidas knockoffs
  • AND MORE…

Here is a BONUS, a PROMO CODE for a super duper discount

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Email from our “Readers”

What the fuck are you guys doing? You haven’t posted in months, are you sucking ass? – Jameson

Yes James.

What’s your favorite MTV Cribs episode? – Abe

The teen edition of MTV Cribs where Jennifer cries about her father wearing Air Force Ones in front of the camera

The tickler did not come in the package, on your website it said it was included as the Two Balls and Chain special. Should I return it, I would love to come do it in person to also check out the new beads. – Jonathan

Wrong email, thank you though bye but thank you.

WE WANT SOME BROTHAS ON THE WALL – Anonymous

Me

What inspires you? – Rebekaah

Sitting on the porch with my favorite book, bowl of almonds, and a vape.

LOVE THIS, VERY FUNNY LOL LUV U GOD BLESS – A

Auntie just call me or text.

(These were definitely all real too.)

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a rap about soup

“awhhhh im bad to the bone

hit me with another bowl of that minestrone and I’m goooone…

gone, gone, going, until i’m back for more

please sir can I have some more

please sir i’m such a dirty soup whore

I dont have to eat standing i’ll sit down on the floor

just please sir give me some more

fire cant melt steal beams like that,

if you look at building 7 you’ll see the government is whack

AHH THROW YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR IF YOU LIKE ITALIAN WEDDING

EVERY NIGHT I GO TO SLEEP ON A OYSTER CRACKER BEDDING

some people say chili’s not soup i say that’s not cool

i’m top of the class, got straight As in soup school

IF YOU CANT TAKE THE HEAT THEN STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN

EVERYBODY KNOWS BUILDING 7 WAS A CONTROLLED DEMOLITION

chicken noodle soup be the original gangster

i’m dropping acid in your broccoli cheddar like a lil’ merry prankster,

some people like their soup with some butternut squash,

some like soup with a bit of heat like a soupy Chris Bosh

Bush knew about the towers, he didn’t move for seven minutes,

IF YOU’RE EATING GREEN I SUGGEST SOME CREAMY SPINACHHHHH…

i got too much soup in too much cans,

if you don’t like soup then come see me with the hands,

if you don’t like soup you’re weird and strange

DUDE CHECK OUT ON YOUTUBE THE DOCUMENTARY LOOSE CHANGE!!!!!!!

this was a rap about soup.

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